Hope is a very powerful thing

I don't know the reason, but He does.

I don't get it.  

 

I will probably never get it.  

 

But that's ok, I don't have to get it.  

It doesn't really matter.  

 

That's what faith is for.  

 

God knows why, He has the answers, one day when I'm with Him, I will know.  

 

For now, I will trust Him and know that He has an amazing plan for us!  

 

After all, that's exactly what He tells us in Jeremiah 29:11 

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, they are plans for good and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future"

So things have been getting better for us.
As you know, Roger and I have been in the process of healing from our loss with IVF, it is going better for me, but now Roger is kind of stuck in the grieving process.
I have two amazing "God" stories to share with you.  The first one is, since we've discovered where Roger is at (and me too) and realized that we should probably reach out for some counseling for a few sessions or something, so we began looking into it.  We weren't really finding anyone that could relate to what we're going through.  So today at church, some friends of ours who know what we've been going through came up to us and said that they had just met a couple (who are in the Air Force as well-he's a Col.) and they do infertility counseling for couples and they gave us their numbers and told us that they told them a little bit about our story and wanted to meet with us!  How funny is that?!  Total God thing!!  The night before Roger and I are talking about needing this and here God shows up in a huge way the next day and basically hands us the numbers of this couple!  How cool eh?!  So we called them today and he's meeting with Roger tomorrow morning, and later that evening they are both meeting with us!  I'm so excited about this and the best part is they themselves went through infertility while he was in pilot training and so they know all too well the struggles we are going through in more than one aspect.  Now they have 3 beautiful kids, and I can't wait to hear their story.  Gosh moral of the story...ask God, He will provide!!  Literally!!

So here's another amazing story that happened again this same weekend; so I'm in the bathroom getting ready while Roger and Aiden are out Christmas shopping and I just stop and sit down in the chair in the bathroom and just began praying.  I broke down and just had some time with God about where I'm at and about all the hopes I have in adoption and whether we should pursue adoption now or wait until we're settled at our permanent duty station (2 more years) and what we should do.  I was just asking God, "give me a clear sign, show me Lord, just put it in our hands what we are supposed to do about this adoption thing!"  Roger and I need some more time to heal of course from our loss and switch gears into adoption, but it won't be long for us because we have been wanting, praying, and waiting to adopt for many years now.  So I'm just praying, praying and praying.  Then Roger and Aiden come home, and I finish up praying and come out to greet them.  Roger has a box in his hands from checking the mail.  We're excited and open the box, inside are wrapped Christmas presents for us from our sweet family, and at the bottom is a Christmas card.  We open up the Christmas card and inside is a check for $500 for our "adoption fund".  Can you believe that!?  Is that God speaking clearly or what!?  JUST after I finished praying!  The timing of this couldn't have happened any better.  God is good, His timing is perfect.  Just like in our loss, and in adoption.  Just like when mom told me, "maybe that baby just needs you sooner".  I feel God moving us quickly into adoption and we are scared, but so so excited about this.
We just had to share with you the amazing way God is moving in our hearts, and in our lives.

Where we are now...

In a time of mourning, loss, quietness and worship with the Lord.  We are going through a lot right now in our lives.  Losing my uncle, finding out about my Grandma having stage 4 ovarian cancer, and the loss of our 3 babies, and the failure of our in-vitro fertilization attempt all has been quite a lot to handle in the past 4 weeks.  I don't have much to say other than we are still going through a time of hurt and pain in the losses we have had recently.  I know God has a plan, we know His plan is always faithful and just, right, and perfect.  It just sucks when it doesn't line up with our plan of what we think is perfect!

I know one day we will understand.
I know one day I will hold all of our precious children in my arms.
I know one day Aiden will be a big brother.
I know one day I will understand why we have been through all we have.  We have hope in adoption, and we have always been and are still so excited about that.  We will get through this pain, we will heal from this hurt, and once we are, we will be ready to pursue adoption.  I'm sure it will be sooner than later.  It's been 10 days, and already God is transforming and beginning to heal our hearts.
I know it will only get better.  I'm laying it all down at His feet.  I'm giving Him all my hopes and dreams. 
If you've been some of the people that have been there for us, thank you.  Thank you so much for your concerns, questions, prayers, support, and love.  I can't tell you how much it means to us.

Casting Crowns - At Your Feet (Lyrics)

Results are in...

If you're just new to reading my blog, please start from the beginning back in October.  I want for you to see the whole journey so you will know how impacting the results are. 

I don't know where to begin.  I don't know how to even describe to you how we are feeling, the emotions we have been going through.
All I can do is tell you the journey, and every part of it, good or bad.
So here is the video I took of some emotions I was going through yesterday.  Sorry it is not very clear, I recorded the video from my computer since it was broken up in 3 different videos originally.  Anyway, here goes.

 

So today is the day!

So I went in this morning and had my blood draw for my pregnancy test.  I'm anxiously ANXIOUSLY waiting by the phone, its a little compulsive how many times I keep looking at my phone.  I have been doing my best to keep myself busy today, running errands, shopping, etc.  BUT I'm so scared to NOT be home when I get the call, either way it goes, I think I'll need some privacy in the moment of finding out, but sitting here all day I just can't do, my heart is beating so fast even thinking about getting the phone call.  I just wish my hubby would be home from work already when I got the call, but that just isn't gonna happen.  I'll have to tell him when he gets home.  I told him not to call me because he'll know the news by the sound of my voice, so to text me if he needs anything, lol.  Today is going to be either one of the best days of our lives, or the worst.  Gosh I'm hoping for the best!  I'm remaining optimistic, positive, although I am truly scared because all of my hpt have been negative so far.  I keep being reassured that it is still early, and the hcg might not be enough in my body yet to register with urine.  I soooo hope that's true and the blood test comes back positive!!  I'm fearing the worst, but hoping the best, does that make sense?  Anyway...I'm a blubbering mess....emotional, excited, going CRAZY!!!  Ahhh!!!!  Ring Ring Ring already!!