"You already have a child, how could you know how it feels to be infertile?!"

Oh, why yes, yes actually I do!
The decision to do IVF was pretty much obvious to us if we wanted to have any more biological children.  I will explain why we have to do IVF and what happened in detail in the next post.  It's a story in and of itself.
As you probably noticed by my "any more biological children" comment, my husband and I do have a little boy, who will be 5 in a few days, yikes!  Time goes by so fast.  So the most common thing I hear when someone hears my journey thus far and that we long to have more children is, "well you already have one, just be happy with that".  To be honest, sometimes I want to slap those people!  YES, OF COURSE I am happy that I have a little boy already, of course!!  I love him to pieces and am so so blessed to have experienced being a mom to him of almost 5 years!  That joy is so great!
So, let me ask you a question.  Which is worse?
Is it worse to long for, want, and so desperately desire to be pregnant, have a baby, and be a mother never having had that experience before?  To wonder what it is like to go through such an incredible experience of pregnancy and joy, labor and birth, and motherhood, when you see all these other women go through it, whether they wanted that baby or not?  To not know what you're missing, but want it so bad.
OR,
OR...is it worse, to HAVE gone through all of that, KNOW the JOY, KNOW the incredible, amazing-ness, awe of it all, and then have the ability to have any more children ripped away from you?  Especially when that child you do have constantly asks when they can have a brother or sister?!  Imagine your worst day in dealing with not being able to have a baby like everyone else, feeling the guilt, and sadness, and have your sweet faced little boy come up to you asking you to give him a sibling that you know you can't possibly give him.  To know what you're missing out on.
WHAT'S WORSE?!?!
I have no idea.  I really don't.  All I ask is that you don't judge me for already having a child.  The pain and experience we go through with infertility is ALL THE SAME, whether someone already has a child or not.  The pain cuts just as deep.

*******REVISION TO THIS BLOG POST*********
It will spoil the end result if you don't already know it, so if you haven't finished reading through my journey yet and don't know the result then STOP reading now and come back to this AFTER you finish reading the journey and the end result  :)


So after going through IVF, and re-reading this post, I have to say that I disagree with this post now.  I don't disagree with it completely because the pain does cut deep no matter if you already have kids or not, but pretty much the above blog post is not how I feel now, and I'll explain why. 
So after going through IVF, and it obviously not working for us, as devastated as were and still are, it has been a million times better coming home to a sweet little boy that we already have than coming home to no children at all.  It would be sooooo much more painful and harder to not know the joy or have the experience of going through a pregnancy, and not have a child to raise, and it would be so much worse.  I can't tell you how having our son around how healing that has been, how much better of a mother it has made me, how much more patient & loving I am, and how much more thankful I am to have him.  So yes, although I do have a child, I do understand infertility, I do understand the extreme pain infertility brings, I do understand how it feels to be infertile, but I am so beyond blessed to already have a child and experience pregnancy and motherhood.